It’s been AGES since I’ve gotten on tumblr but I need to do some major venting. I’m in a weird place….one that is unfamiliar territory for me, and I’m not sure how to navigate these waters.
I think about him every now and then, and all that comes to my mind is that I’m grateful…to him…for him…for what he and I went through. It got me here. It got me to now. And I’m happy—-for the most part. I live in my favorite Texas town, I have a job that I love, and I’m free. Free from my parents, free from the comfort of home, free from things I thought I needed in order to be happy.
So what could I possibly have to complain about? It’s so ridiculous that I hate to admit that it bothers me. My heart and mind finally agree that I don’t want/need to be with a guy right now. I’m totally ok with that realization—-I welcome it with open arms and it has proved to be very gratifying. BUT, my drunken self refuses to accept this lifestyle. Drunk me LOVES to drunk dial, drunk text, drunk make-out, yada-yada-yada. It has gotten me into nothing but trouble. For the most part, I have been able to do successful damage control, and my ‘victims’ have been extremely understanding and non-judgmental.
I wish that were the case for my most recent encounter. I can’t shake him off my tail. I’ve been consistently blunt about not wanting any type of relationship and I’ve been avoiding texts/calls hoping to solidify how I feel about it. NOT WORKING! Instead, it seems to have the adverse effect and he’s striking back with more tenacity. I’d understand his determination if we had spent more time together…but it was 3 days in a 3 week span….wtf! Now, I love myself and I know I have a lot to offer, but give me a break—-it takes MUCH LONGER for my awesomeness to have that kind of effect on someone.
50% of me is annoyed that I’m having todealwith this, and the other 50% still has my fishing rod hanging over the edge of the boat, hoping to hook a catch that makes me as crazy as homeboy (obvi, I don’t want to be this kind of cray with this particular guy….it would have to be someone in my zip code). The gym proves to be a pretty good water hole…but again, I don’t want anything serious—-unless I meet someone who makes me want something serious.
ARGH! This effing dilemma! And I’m sick of everyone getting engaged and pregnant and married. Been there, done that—-grow up! Enjoy life! There’s so much life to experience before you decide to share it with someone else. Granted, not all stories are the same and I hope that no one ever has to live my story for themselves. Then again, my story—although sad—led me to happiness. Catch-22!
Ok, I feel better. Not really. I feel exactly the same. I wish my girls were here—to get drunk with and watch reality tv and eat everything I’m not supposed to be eating.
…with this song!
Tom: What happens if you fall in love?
Summer: Well, you don’t believe that, do you?
Tom: It’s love. It’s not Santa Claus. — 500 Days of Summer (via sensiblywreckless)
My heart remains with you….
#college station #home #must go back